The thing I remember most, looking back on my abusive relationships, is that whenever I was angry about the way I was being treated and tried to confront my abuser it was never a fight about what I was angry about. He always made it a fight about me being angry. He always made it seem like my anger was the problem, not my abuse.
Abusers will make you believe that the abuse isn’t the problem, that your ‘irrational’ anger is the problem.
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1. The few things that aren’t going right. When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for all the other things that are still going right. And if you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped. Sometimes the best gifts in life are the troubles you don’t have.
2. Trying to label everyone and everything. Sometimes you’ve just got to take people and situations for what they are, appreciate them, and not try to label them or change them.
3. Worrying about what everyone else thinks. The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom.
4. Wasting time on the wrong people. You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected. No matter how much you care, some people just won’t care back. At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
5. Old wounds and grudges. You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart. In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.
6. Superficial judgments. Every human being is beautiful; it just takes the right set of eyes to see it.
7. Letting small disagreements snowball out of control. Don’t let a single poisonous moment of misunderstanding make you forget about the countless lovable moments you’ve spent together.
8. Showing a lack of self-respect. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. Choose to be your own best friend.
Marc And Angel via Online Counselling College
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1. The Constant Victim. This kind of individual will always find a way to end up as a victim in their relationships.
2. One-Upmanship Expert. This person uses put-downs, snide remarks and criticisms to show that they’re superior and know much more than you.
3. Powerful Dependents. They hide behind the mask of being weak and powerless then use their helplessness to dominate relationships. That is, they send the subtle message: “You must not let me down.”
4. Triangulators. This person tries to get other people on their side. They separate good friends or drive a wedge in families.
5. The Blasters. They blast you with their anger or they blow up suddenly. That stops you asking questions in case there’s a showdown.
6. The Projector. This person thinks they’re perfect and others have flaws. They take no ownership because they think they’re never, ever wrong.
7. The Deliberate Mis-Interpreter. They seem like a nice person – but they twist your words. They spread misinformation and misinterpret you. Thus, they deliberately present you in a false, negative way.
8. The Flirt. This person uses flirting to get their way in life. They want to be admired and to have an audience. However, your feelings and your needs are of no concern to them.
9. The Iron Fist. They use intimidation and throw their weight around to use you for their end and get their way in life.
10. The Multiple Offender. This person uses several of the techniques we’ve described and they’ll often switch between them if it suits their purposes.
Online Counselling College
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You have to get to the point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else.
Just because you can feel another person’s emotions doesn’t make you responsible for them.
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