What Do You Really Want Here?

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The key to any relationship is communication. And I’ve always thought that communication is like a dance. One person takes a step forward, the other takes a step back. Even a single misstep can land both people on the floor in a tangle of confusion. And when you find yourself in that position—with your spouse, your colleague, your friend, your child—I’ve found that the best option is to always ask the other person, “What do you really want here?” At first, you might notice a little squirming, a lot of throat clearing, maybe some silence. But if you stay quiet long enough to get the real answer, I guarantee it will be some variation of the following: “I want to know that you value me.” Extend a hand of connection and understanding, and offer three of the most important words any of us can ever receive: “I hear you.” I know for sure your relationship will be the better for it.
Oprah Winfrey

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How To Cope With Emotional Abuse

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1. First, recognize when you are in a controlling, manipulative, disrespectful or punitive relationship. Usually, the person will be highly critical of you and their comments will have emotional undertones. There is usually also a threat of rejection or abandonment.

2. If you can, walk away from the relationship. It’s unhealthy to be caught up in emotional games where you are the pawn, and you feel trapped and abused.

3. Establish boundaries. For example, don’t allow the person to engage you in critical conversations and emotional put-downs. Walk away from any outbursts and emotional displays.

4. Agree to what you will, and will not, accept in the relationships. State these in clear and explicit terms.

5. Put your needs and values before their needs and values (as they will be unlikely to respect these in you first.)

6. Make sure that “no” means “no”… and don’t accept small compromises.

7. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into any arguments. It will likely go downhill, and you will end up feeling bad.

8. Surround yourself with people who see your gifts and strength – and remind yourself that their viewpoint reflects reality.

Online Counselling College

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