1. Threats and fear of abandonment. These can lead to jealousy and feelings of insecurity.
2. Lack of emotional nurturing. This can lead to feelings of emotional deprivation which can feel like a bottomless pit to fill.
3. Growing up with feelings of entitlement. This can lead to feeling as if you don’t have to live by the same rules as others as you are special and a bit superior.
4. Being told that you’re inferior or inadequate. This causes you feel like you’re never good enough.
5. The demand to be perfect and to always get things right. This can leading to being driven and having incredibly high standards.
6. Being betrayed by those you trusted so that you won’t trust now, and you can’t get close to others or let them get close to you.
7. Being raised in a way that your needs were denied, not allowed, disregarded, trivialised or ignored. This can lead to a doormat type of personality where other people matter and your needs never count.
Online Counselling College
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In a healthy, close relationship of any kind, when something upsets you, you need to bring it up. As soon as possible, even. Cultivate an environment in which you both can talk about things that upset you, with the utmost attention to everyone’s feelings. It’s a really simple thing to do but it’s a thing I’ve been working on for a while and I’m getting actual nice things happening as a result.
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· Awareness: Recognize when the emotions that you feel belong to someone else. If your spouse is angry, identify that emotion and acknowledge it, but remind yourself that it is their anger, not yours.
· Self-love: Protect yourself from psychological attacks by loving yourself more than your attacker. You do not deserve abuse.
· Visualize a shield: Visualize your glowing white aura expanding to surround your body in a protective zone that cannot be invaded by others. See the aura as a white bubble that can flex, but never burst.
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The thing I remember most, looking back on my abusive relationships, is that whenever I was angry about the way I was being treated and tried to confront my abuser it was never a fight about what I was angry about. He always made it a fight about me being angry. He always made it seem like my anger was the problem, not my abuse.
Abusers will make you believe that the abuse isn’t the problem, that your ‘irrational’ anger is the problem.
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1. The few things that aren’t going right. When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for all the other things that are still going right. And if you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped. Sometimes the best gifts in life are the troubles you don’t have.
2. Trying to label everyone and everything. Sometimes you’ve just got to take people and situations for what they are, appreciate them, and not try to label them or change them.
3. Worrying about what everyone else thinks. The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom.
4. Wasting time on the wrong people. You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected. No matter how much you care, some people just won’t care back. At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
5. Old wounds and grudges. You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart. In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.
6. Superficial judgments. Every human being is beautiful; it just takes the right set of eyes to see it.
7. Letting small disagreements snowball out of control. Don’t let a single poisonous moment of misunderstanding make you forget about the countless lovable moments you’ve spent together.
8. Showing a lack of self-respect. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. Choose to be your own best friend.
Marc And Angel via Online Counselling College
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