Honor And Respect Your Feelings And Needs

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Boundaries are not selfish. They aren’t overindulgent or evidence that you’re too sensitive, and they aren’t weakness. Boundaries are conditions that allow you to take care of yourself; conditions that give you the means to survive and keep from sinking. They’re circumstances that honor your needs and respect your feelings. Limits that YOU get to decide on; limits that are inherently valid, regardless of how they compare to anyone else’s.

You deserve to create a space for yourself that feels safe and supportive. You deserve to exist under terms that don’t harm you; terms that allow your best self to come through. Even if other people don’t understand, even if it makes them feel angry or rejected or sad — your boundaries are necessary and they matter. Their needs matter too, and its not wrong to want to make shifts to accommodate both — but the truth is that you can’t take care of anyone else if your own needs aren’t being met. You don’t have to explain your boundaries. You don’t have to justify them, and you don’t need anyone’s approval. You need to believe that you’re someone worth taking care of, and you need to trust that if anyone is entitled to your protection and care, it’s you.
Daniell Koepke

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How To Stay Peaceful Around Stressed People

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When we’re around people who are stressed and negative it can upset our own sense of inner peace and calm. Here are some suggestions to help you with this:

1. Imagine there’s an invisible shield that separates you from them. See their attitudes, reactions and high expectations as being their choice and decision — they’re not a part of you. You are two separate people; don’t let them influence you.

2. Disconnect from the source of negativity. End the call, close your email or get up and walk away. When we feel stressed and angry we’re more likely to react – so maintain your control by taking steps to decompress.

3. Avoid toxic people if you possibly can. Avoid people who guilt trip you, are constantly complaining or who like to sit and wallow in their misery. They’ll quickly drain your energy and drive you to despair.

4. Be a positive person. Go on the offensive and reach out to people who need some encouragement, a smile or a kind word. That will keep you feeling peaceful and positive.

5. Spend time with people with whom you can connect, and who inspire and motivate you to be a better person. Look out for people who improve your self-esteem, who are positive role models and who live life to the full. They’ll broaden your capacity to give and grow as well. (Let them be your focus – and not the stressed out people!)

Online Counselling College

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Don’t Let Bitterness Change You For The Worse

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The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper.
Henri Nouwen

When other people treat you poorly keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.

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Be More Honest

You make me brave.

I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.
Simon Van Booy

Accept that honesty and integrity will not always make you look good.
Albert Ellis

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How To Support A Friend Who’s Depressed

You are safe with me.

1. Encourage them to talk; ask them what’s on their mind. If you think your friend’s depressed or has something on their mind then ask if you can help or if something’s bothering them. And unless you get the feeling that they don’t want to talk, be persistent and keep asking in a gentle, caring way. This communicates the message that you genuinely care.

2. Give your full attention and listen carefully. If they’re brave enough to share what is on their mind, then give them the respect of listening carefully without interrupting or offering them advice. Pay attention, focus on them, and try to understand the way they see their problems and how that makes them feel. The only time you should speak is to clarify a point or to ask open questions that will help them share some more.

3. Unless specifically requested, don’t offer them advice. Once you’ve got the general gist of what is happening with your friend, resist the temptation to offer them advice. This is often very hard as we usually want to help, but most people resent it as they just want to be heard.

4. Remember it’s all about them… it’s not about you. Often people want to somehow turn the conversation round to talking about them and their own experiences. This is so annoying; it’s the worst thing you could do.

5. Be sensitive, respectful and non-judgmental. Don’t react or seem shocked when they tell you something bad (like saying, “OMG – I can’t believe you did that!”). Be tactful if you feel you must share something tough, as you honestly believe it would help to hear the truth. You don’t have to destroy them in your efforts to get real.

6. Nothing changes if we don’t do anything. Although it’s often helpful to unburden yourself, if you just dump on others then nothing much will change. Thus, it’s important to encourage them to take some active steps. Don’t only be a crutch or a short term dumping ground.

Online Counselling College

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Let Go Of What You Can’t Change

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I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won’t happen twice.

If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.
Tony Baskin

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