The thing I remember most, looking back on my abusive relationships, is that whenever I was angry about the way I was being treated and tried to confront my abuser it was never a fight about what I was angry about. He always made it a fight about me being angry. He always made it seem like my anger was the problem, not my abuse.
Abusers will make you believe that the abuse isn’t the problem, that your ‘irrational’ anger is the problem.
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1. The few things that aren’t going right. When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for all the other things that are still going right. And if you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped. Sometimes the best gifts in life are the troubles you don’t have.
2. Trying to label everyone and everything. Sometimes you’ve just got to take people and situations for what they are, appreciate them, and not try to label them or change them.
3. Worrying about what everyone else thinks. The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom.
4. Wasting time on the wrong people. You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected. No matter how much you care, some people just won’t care back. At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
5. Old wounds and grudges. You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart. In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.
6. Superficial judgments. Every human being is beautiful; it just takes the right set of eyes to see it.
7. Letting small disagreements snowball out of control. Don’t let a single poisonous moment of misunderstanding make you forget about the countless lovable moments you’ve spent together.
8. Showing a lack of self-respect. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. Choose to be your own best friend.
Marc And Angel via Online Counselling College
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The following is a beautiful 1958 letter written by author John Steinbeck to his son Thom, who had told his father he had fallen in love with a girl named Susan at boarding school.
November 10, 1958
We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.
First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.
Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.
You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.
But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.
Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.
We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.
Source: The Atlantic
Photo via Design Love Fest