Download My Free Guide On The Best Things To Do In Bangkok

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If you or someone you know is coming to Bangkok and have no clue where to go or what to do, I have compiled a free guide on the best things to do in one of my favourite cities in the world. It covers areas like my favourite cafes, bars and markets. Download it here.

If you have any further questions or concerns about your travels in Bangkok, don’t hesitate to contact me. I have lived in Bangkok for over 18 months and have done plenty of travel around the rest of Thailand, too. I’d be happy to help out and give you the best experience of Bangkok and Thailand as possible!

Photos my own

How To Politely Tell Your Friend To Put Their Phone Away

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One of my biggest pet peeves is when I’m having a conversation with someone and they whip out their phone halfway through and start scrolling or messaging someone.

It is, to me, one of the rudest things you can do. It communicates to me, ‘I’d rather be in the virtual world than be here with you.’

After a recent catch-up session with a friend of mine in which she kept stopping me mid-conversation to reply back to her messages, I realised that the only way people were going to stop doing that was if I told them.

Telling a friend to stop going on their phones when they’re with you is awkward and uncomfortable AF. But, what I valued more than my own discomfort and fear of doing so was uninterrupted connection, feeling heard and ultimately, presence.

It is a rare thing to get all three these days; so much so, that whenever I am graced with it, I feel overwhelmed and grateful. People are constantly looking down at their phones, constantly distracted, constantly looking for the next thing to keep them entertained and amused. We have become uncomfortable with silence and boredom and the compassionate and unselfish act of listening.

I know I cannot affect change on a large scale, but I can begin by changing the way things work in my own life. How do I tell a friend, politely, to put their phone away when they’re with me?

I decided the best thing to say is: “Hey, it’s important to me that you’re present when I’m talking. Do you mind putting your phone away for the rest of our conversation?”
Rather than finger-pointing, it expresses your needs and asks a simple request that they can accept or decline.

In addition to this, I believe that one of the best ways we can go against the “always distracted” culture is to lead by example in our own lives. When you’re with someone, put your phone away and don’t take it out until you are alone again. Always hold eye contact and make an effort to listen and be present to what the other person is saying. On the occasions you do have to use your phone in front of someone, apologise, look them in the eye and say, “I’m really sorry – you are my priority right now but I just need to check/send this off really quickly.” Then, turn off your phone and give them your undivided attention.

These small acts of grace build up; they build up to become the person you are. Build yourself into someone who makes people feel seen, heard and important.
Choose presence over distraction, even if it is boring and uncomfortable.
Choose to create spaces of total uninterruptions.
Choose people over screens. 

Photo via Birdasaurus

How To Deal With A Break-Up

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My checklist for a broken heart:

  1. Travel. Travel is one of the biggest cures for a break-up. It takes you out of your head and reminds you of the endless beauty and possibilities of life. Whether you go overseas or travel domestically, spend it on a beach or in the mountains — always go with an open mind, no matter how broken your heart may be.
  2. Lean on your friends. Skype with them, call them or send them a message to let them know you are struggling. Draw on their love and support and do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it; that’s what good friends are there for.
  3. Pray and send him/her love. I like what Richard says to Elizabeth in Eat, Pray, Love when she tells him that she misses her ex-boyfriend: “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it.”
  4. Move your body. Yoga, hiking, boxing, taking a long walk — get some movement. If you get a sweat going, even better. Sweat is good for the body. Sweat is good for the soul.
  5. Eat bad food. Then, eat good food. After you eat pizza and chocolate and drink too much wine for a little while, switch it up and eat something wholesome and healthy and nutritious. It’s all about balance.
  6. Have a good cry. Cry as hard and as long as you need to, until there is nothing left inside of you to let out. Empty the ocean that is within you to make room for love to rush in and replace it.
  7. Wrap a big blanket around you and binge watch a TV series. My friend Anja once told me to do this because I had been living alone in Bangkok at that time and had no one to hug me. It literally feels like you are being held by a soft and giant teddy bear while you are watching Netflix.
  8. Listen to sad music. Sad music can heal. Sad music can soothe. Sad music can bring forth tears, and tears are good for the soul.
  9. Have a fun night out. Dress to kill, then go drink and dance with your friends. It’s good to have fun and meet new people once in a while to remind yourself there is a life after your heartbreak.
  10. Take a break from social media. Deactivate your Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat for a while. Focus on self-care; focus on putting in rather than out. And if your ex is on any of those social media platforms, it’s a good idea to unfriend or unfollow them now. It will be hard, but it will make it so much easier to move on in the long-run.

Photo via In Bed Store

Un-Shaming Men

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Recently, I was inspired by sexologist Juliet Allen’s post about demythologising and un-shaming men and realised how strongly I agree with her. These are my thoughts on her thoughts.

I used to be someone who really hated men. I was physically abused by my father and sexually abused by my uncle as a child. I was increasingly resentful of men growing up because time and time again I was rejected, hurt or used by them.

After many laborious years of healing, self-care and re-learning truths, what I realise now is that I took the wounds I had as a child and asked the wrong men to heal them for me. My choices in romantic interests were just as flawed and twisted as my upbringing, but I understand that does not mean ALL men are bad or ALL men are out there to hurt me.

I have become tiresome of hearing women (some of them my friends) constantly complain that there are no good men out there and that all men are pigs. It also pains me to hear women shaming men when they make very human mistakes. There are certainly men out there who have bad intentions, but there are also men out there who are beautiful and good and want to connect deeply with someone just as much as women do.

We tend to “split” men and label them as all good or all bad. Humans are both. We all have an inner light and inner darkness within each of us, and the sooner we stop shaming each other’s inner darkness (whether they are a man or woman), the sooner we can appreciate that we are all just humans-in-progress, stumbling around in the dark, often making mistakes, and learning to live life the best way we know how.

We must also understand that for men, being intimate and vulnerable with women may be more of a challenge for them. A lot of us have not grown up with very good examples of how to communicate and connect deeply with someone and often I have seen men being shamed and put down for being vulnerable and wanting love. The societal pressure we put on them to be this macho, un-feeling machine is unfair and very tough.

No matter how many times your heart has been broken, do not let it taint your view of all men. And if it always keeps getting broken, consider rescuing and loving yourself. Healing and a healthy way of relating comes from having a good relationship with yourself first. When you have that, you can then manifest and attract a man who will respect the respect you have for yourself.

I hope we can be a little more gentler and kinder toward them and ultimately, stop shaming them as a whole. Empathy between women is important, but so is empathy between women and men.

Photo via Sometimes Now

When You Are Vulnerable, You Win

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Recently, I was talking to one of my work colleagues about relationships and dating in Bangkok.

We are both single and have been dating men casually since separately moving to Thailand last year (she is from Europe). She, however, has very different views about men and dating than I do. She believed that men should be completely chivalrous and pay for everything, decide where and when to go on dates and hail her taxis. I, on the other hand, believed in splitting the bill, deciding on places and times for dates together and organising my own transport. Sometimes I would even ask a guy out first. We both agreed that our differences in opinions were due in part to our vastly different cultures and societal norms, but there was something she said that I couldn’t help but disagree on. “In a relationship, the person who loves the other one more is the weaker one,” she remarked.

Who can blame her for saying that? We women have been taught from a young age that we must never do the pursuing but to be the pursued. We have been trained to build walls around our heart and keep it cool lest we give someone too much power to hurt us. We have an inner alarm that goes off inside of us every time we can feel ourselves getting too close to someone. We run when it comes to being vulnerable, and often we reject the other person before they reject us first.

For years and years, I avoided intimacy and vulnerability for fear of getting hurt. I built walls that were thick and high around my heart and hid from love whenever there was the slightest sprouting of it. The thing is, I still got hurt anyway. I was hurt from the men who did not know how to love me, but I also hurt myself by choosing to deny myself the one thing that makes a relationship deeply satisfying and special: vulnerability.

Over the last five years, I have been slowly unlearning fear and learning how to deeply love and be intimate with my family, friends and romantic interests without restraints. It takes courage — a huge amount of courage — but it also requires the wisdom to discern who is deserving of your love and who isn’t. Like the Bible verse says, it is unwise to give your pearls to pigs who will trample on them, and likewise, it is unwise to give your heart to those who cannot respect or appreciate it.

It is incredibly scary to risk your heart and lay it exposed in the other person’s hands, but it is the only way in which you can experience deep and true love. In the times I did find people who were deserving of my love, I found that those relationships flourished and grew to new levels of intimacy that some people don’t achieve in years. And believe me when I say, that when you love this authentically, you win. It may not feel like it when you are crying or grieving a break-up, but you do. You win by choosing to love in spite of societal norms telling you not to. You win by choosing vulnerability over fear. You win by sharing your heart even though it has been broken many times. Basically, you win because you put up two middle fingers to the world, ignored the bullshit it tried to teach you and bravely did what it told you not to do.

So say how you feel. Tell them you love them. Tell them you miss them. Tell them you need them. Life is too short and it is far too risky not to say how you feel. You will get hurt whether you are an ice-queen or Miss Vulnerability anyway, so why not choose to love wildly, madly and hopelessly? I would much rather cry knowing I gave it all than cry knowing I could’ve said or done more. I would much rather look back on the relationship with fond memories of intimacy than look back with regrets. I would much rather be known as someone who loved too much than someone who loved too little.

Wouldn’t you?

Photo via Birdasaurus

My Secret To Resiliency

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One of my favourite quotes has to be from the writer Donald Miller.

He said: “Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, sit down with myself and explain that things were going to be okay, that everybody loses ground sometimes and it doesn’t mean anything. It’s the way life works. This is hard to understand in the moment. You get to thinking about the girl who rejected you, the job you got fired from, the test you failed, and you lose sight of the big picture — the fact that life has a beautiful way of remaking itself every few weeks.”

To me, the key to resiliency — the ability to recover quickly from hardships — is understanding the incredible fluidity of life and teaching yourself to adapt to it rather than fight against it.

While resiliency can be learned, I have found that some people are better at it because of what they had to endure in their childhood. I came from an unsafe and unpredictable upbringing which forced me to become as adaptable as possible at a young age. Having an abusive dad, brother and uncles presented itself with numerous challenges I had to deal with internally, and from early on I learned that life was never going to be very stable or kind at times. It made me strong, capable and resilient.

My best friend Anja, who is involved in facilitating and teaching mental health to university students, once said to me that resiliency means you can look back on your past with compassion and toward your future with hope. While my past has been difficult, it is the substance which has built me into a person I am proud to be most days, and therefore the substance for which I am grateful for. People often see me as a strong woman, and although I have found that it does get easier to be resilient, it unfortunately does not get any less painful. That pain, however, is where resilience starts.

What Miller said was true: we do get heavy-hearted about the ways in which life knocks us down, and feeling that pain is okay. But how do you bounce back from it quickly? By understanding and accepting that life is always in a constant state of flux. You could be upset about the job you lost and find an even better one in a month. You could be have your heart broken by someone but connect deeply with a new person the next week. And on a day where everything goes wrong, the very next day you will probably wake up and forget what had happened the day before.

When something doesn’t pan out the way you so badly wanted it to, it’s important to keep in mind two things: the remarkable and wonderful ways in which life surprises you, and the inner strength with which you carry inside of you to look at challenges in the face, dig your feet in and embrace what it has to teach you. Basically, it’s the ability to say to yourself: “I am strong. And this is temporary.” That, to me, is resilience.

Photo via Her Aesthetic