True Self-Esteem

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How one treats one’s body and psyche speaks volumes about one’s self-esteem: abusing body or soul with harmful chemicals, behaviors, work overload, lack of personal time and space all denote poor self-regard. All of these behaviors and attitudes reveal a fundamental stance towards the self that is conditional and devoid of true self respect. Self-esteem based on achievement has been called contingent self-esteem or acquired self-esteem. Unlike contingent self-esteem, true self-esteem has nothing to do with a self-evaluation on the basis of achievement or the lack of it. A person truly comfortable in his own skin doesn’t say, ‘I am a worthy human being because I can do such and such,’ but says, ‘I am a worthy human being whether or not I can do such and such.’ Contingent self-esteem evaluates; true self-esteem accepts.
Gabor Maté, Scattered

Painting by Celia Jacobs

See The Sanity In The Sadness

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So instead of seeing your depression and anxiety as a form of madness, I would tell my younger self — you need to see the sanity in this sadness. You need to see that it makes sense. Of course it is excruciating… But it doesn’t mean that the pain is insane, or irrational. If you touch your hand to a burning stove, that, too, will be agony, and you will snatch your hand away as quickly as possible. That’s a sane response. If you kept your hand on the stove, it would burn and burn until it was destroyed. Depression and anxiety might, in one way, be the sanest reaction you have. It’s a signal, saying — you shouldn’t have to live this way, and if you aren’t helped to find a better path, you will be missing out on so much that is best about being human.
Johann Hari

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You Need To Breathe And Be

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Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk… It doesn’t have to be a walk during which you’ll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don’t find meaning but ‘steal’ some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. That doesn’t make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.
Albert Camus, Notebooks 1951-1959

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How To Cope With Emotional Abuse

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1. First, recognize when you are in a controlling, manipulative, disrespectful or punitive relationship. Usually, the person will be highly critical of you and their comments will have emotional undertones. There is usually also a threat of rejection or abandonment.

2. If you can, walk away from the relationship. It’s unhealthy to be caught up in emotional games where you are the pawn, and you feel trapped and abused.

3. Establish boundaries. For example, don’t allow the person to engage you in critical conversations and emotional put-downs. Walk away from any outbursts and emotional displays.

4. Agree to what you will, and will not, accept in the relationships. State these in clear and explicit terms.

5. Put your needs and values before their needs and values (as they will be unlikely to respect these in you first.)

6. Make sure that “no” means “no”… and don’t accept small compromises.

7. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into any arguments. It will likely go downhill, and you will end up feeling bad.

8. Surround yourself with people who see your gifts and strength – and remind yourself that their viewpoint reflects reality.

Online Counselling College

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