“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.”
Ever since I was a little girl, it was hard for me not to believe I was a burden. It was ingrained in me that I was useless and unwanted, and now, it has become my unbearable feeling.
It has taken me years to learn to embrace and not avoid that fear that comes from speaking my mind, sharing my real feelings and putting myself first. It has been an uphill battle to convince myself that I deserve to be treated with respect and love, just like everyone else. It has been emotionally tiring to unlearn the lie that I was a burden, and re-learn the truth that I am a delight.
What have a I learnt in this journey of self-love so far?
That it’s not selfish to choose you.