If I could use two words to describe this past month for me, it would be crazy and surreal.
Just two months ago, I was reflecting and feeling grateful for how stable and content I was. I had a safe home with flatmates who were like the parents I never had. I had a wonderful relationship with a man I was falling in love with. I had a good, well-paying job, and though it was challenging at times, I had great colleagues to make up for it. But very suddenly, all that changed within a matter of three weeks.
Things became rocky with my boyfriend, and I got into a painful argument with him one night where he told me he was being distant and cold because I was going to be travelling for a long time soon. By trying to protect himself and me, he was losing me. I cried when I realized that our relationship was bound for heartbreak. When I got home that night, my flatmates sat me down and told me that they were moving to Dunedin in three weeks and that would mean I would have to move out too. That night was devastating.
The next week after at work, my manager called me into her office and told me I received a complaint from a customer who said I wasn’t smiling and it didn’t look like I wanted to be there. She told me that if I didn’t really want to work here, I should look for another job.
That day, I realized I was at a huge crossroads in my life and I had some big decisions to make. After a lot of thought and consideration, I could see my life going two ways: I could get a new apartment and a new job and work until the end of the year to travel as I had so rigorously planned. Or, I could quit my job, sell my car, take the savings I already have and leave the country in a matter of weeks to travel for four months (also called ‘The Crazy Person’s Plan’). I called my friend and we both agreed I needed to consult with the one person who could give me peace in this storm: God. I went home that night, got down on my knees and prayed and prayed and prayed.
The peace of God washed over me when it came to plan B. In the middle of the madness, I felt contentment. I felt stability. And mostly, I felt joy. I knew that God was ahead of me and before me, watching and guiding me every step of the way. In that room that night and in my heart, there was no trace of fear. His love banished it. And from there, I moved forward courageously.
To say it very briefly, I handed in my resignation at work the next day, I put up my car for sale and sold it within a couple of weeks, I broke up with my boyfriend (it was painful and heartbreaking), I packed up my apartment and moved out and I brought my one way ticket to Bali. I am leaving tomorrow for four months, and after Bali I will be travelling to Thailand, Laos and Cambodia. After that, I will see where life takes me! As you can imagine, I am over the moon.
If there is anything I could take away from these past couple of months, it’s that life never goes according to your plans, but that’s what makes it terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. You also can’t wait around for someone to make your life okay. You need to take charge and create a life you love for your own self. And lastly, trust God in everything. He is the one who knows what is best for you, He sees your fullest potential and wants to help you get there. Know that whatever door he closes, he opens up new ones much more fulfilling than the last. Often the situations in life we see as tragedies hold blessings in the midst of them, if only we just look for them.
Though there has been much excitement and celebration, things have also been incredibly busy, stressful and overwhelming for me, especially in planning a four month trip in a matter of a few weeks. The hardest part of it all, though, was breaking the news to my friends and saying goodbye to them much sooner than I anticipated, but knowing that I will see them before the end of this year makes it all bearable.
This also means that The Lilac Road will not be posting regularly as normal. However, I will continue writing and posting all about my journey and travels when possible. I’m sure I will have a lot to share with you all as I embark on this grand and wonderful adventure.
So, goodbye for now lovely readers! Until we talk again. Love,