Only a few weeks ago, I was getting cold feet on my upcoming travels and feeling down about all that I had to give up in order to travel the world.
Now, I am writing this from Bali and I couldn’t be more peaceful, grateful and happier to be here. In answer to the question, “Was it worth it?” The answer is a big yes. Already the experiences I’ve had, the people I’ve met and the things I’ve seen (and eaten) have made all the difficulties and sacrifices back home worth it.
Even amongst my escapades to thundering waterfalls and bizarre nights with a French surfers, something that has been on my mind, even before I left on this trip, is the idea of stability and settledness. It is something I have discussed in depth and thought with my friends and has made me realize something startling about myself: I want it.
I have always been one to let my soul roam free and wild. I admit that I do have trouble committing – to jobs, to study, to men, to diets. Once I settle down into something, suddenly something inside of me itches to give up or run. Normality and routine often make me depressed. The craving for freedom and adventure and wildness kicks in and I can’t say no. My heart and my soul rule my life, and it is both a blessing and a curse.
But for some strange reason, whether it is my recent, most craziest act of spontaneity, me nearing my mid-twenties or my heart and soul getting tired of being so damn unpredictable, I suddenly find myself wanting something a little less Eat, Pray, Love and a little more It’s A Wonderful Life. I want a career in a humanitarian organization I am passionate about. I want my own apartment in a city I love to decorate and call my own. I want a trusting, deep and loving relationship with a man who I can see myself spending my life with. Most of all, I want a dog. I so badly want a dog. I’ve wanted one for the longest time. I will name him Jedi, because there’s nothing cooler than a Jedi. And I honestly think he will probably be the love of my life.
Even though I have a newfound desire for all of this, I know that this doesn’t mean my love of travelling or adventure will go away. So, why not have both? Why not have a fulfilling career with amazing sidekicks to support and encourage you, while at the same time travelling the world on a yearly basis? I want stability, but not in a conventional way, and I’m still figuring out what that’s going to look like. But that’s the beautiful thing about creating your own life you love to live – you can decorate it and paint it however you like, and no one can tell you you’re wrong, because it’s simply just a path of your own.
I love what Relevant magazine said about your twenties: it’s not a season for wildness and it’s not a season for settledness either. It’s a season of becoming. It’s the season of planting and sowing your seeds and the season of weeding out the plants that are just unproductive or toxic. It’s the season of listening to your soul tell you what it needs, and then doing it. It’s the season of realizing who you want to be, where you want your life to go and what you want it to look like.
I could not be more excited to see what my chapter of settledness will bring. But for now the world is calling me, and I can’t help but heed its call just one more time.