You Won’t Be Stuck Forever

Is it okay? It's okay.

You have to stop thinking you’ll be stuck in your situation forever. We feel like our heart will never heal or we’ll never get out of this impossible struggle. Don’t confuse a season for a lifetime. Even your trials have an expiration date. You will grow, life will change, and things will work out.
Brittney Moss

Once you realize there is life after mistakes, you gain a self-confidence that never goes away.
Bob Schieffer

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How To Live A Simpler, More Contented Life

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1. Ask yourself “What’s important?” Take a step back and think about what’s important to you. What do you really want to be doing, who do you want to spend your time with, what do you want to accomplish with your work? Make a short list of 4-5 things for your life, 4-5 people you want to spend time with and 4-5 things you’d like to accomplish at work.

2. Examine your commitments. A big part of the problem is that our lives are way too full. We can’t possibly do everything we have committed to doing, and we certainly can’t enjoy it if we’re trying to do everything. Accept that you can’t do everything, only do what’s important to you and try to eliminate the commitments that aren’t as important.

3. Do less each day. Don’t fill your day up with things to do. You will end up rushing to do them all. If you normally do 7-10 things, do 5 important ones instead. This will give you time to do what you need to do and not rush.

4. Leave space between tasks or appointments. Another mistake is trying to schedule things back-to-back. This leaves no cushion in case things take longer than planned (which they always do) and gives us a feeling of being rushed and stressed throughout the day.

5. Eliminate as much as possible from your to-do list. You can’t do everything on your to-do list. Even if you could, more things will come up. As much as you can, simplify your to-do list down to the essentials.

6. Now, slow down and enjoy every task. Enjoy whatever you’re doing. Try to pay attention to the task instead of thinking about other things. Be in the moment. Enjoy the present.

Online Counselling College

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Do Not Follow Fear

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Don’t believe every worried thought you have. Worried thoughts are notoriously inaccurate.
Renee Jain

I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do believe that every time you follow fear, you end up a little further away from who you were meant to be.
JmStorm

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Some Questions To Ask When Things Go Wrong

Make today count.

Ask yourself:

1. Is this something I should take seriously and try to put right; is it something that is worth working on, and investing more energy on?

2. How much is my fault? Is it something I can change further down the road?

3. How much is outside my control; will anything I do really alter the situation or make a lasting difference?

4. Have I done everything I possibly can? Have I tried and exhausted all possible options?

5. Is it something I should put behind me and decide to walk away from?

6. Who else has gone through a similar experience or had this happen to them? Who can I talk to who will understand and give me valuable help and advice?

7. What can I learn from this experience?

8. How can I build myself up again so I have the needed strength to go forward in my life?

Online Counselling College

Photo via Design Love Fest

My Secret To Resiliency

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One of my favourite quotes has to be from the writer Donald Miller.

He said: “Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, sit down with myself and explain that things were going to be okay, that everybody loses ground sometimes and it doesn’t mean anything. It’s the way life works. This is hard to understand in the moment. You get to thinking about the girl who rejected you, the job you got fired from, the test you failed, and you lose sight of the big picture — the fact that life has a beautiful way of remaking itself every few weeks.”

To me, the key to resiliency — the ability to recover quickly from hardships — is understanding the incredible fluidity of life and teaching yourself to adapt to it rather than fight against it.

While resiliency can be learned, I have found that some people are better at it because of what they had to endure in their childhood. I came from an unsafe and unpredictable upbringing which forced me to become as adaptable as possible at a young age. Having an abusive dad, brother and uncles presented itself with numerous challenges I had to deal with internally, and from early on I learned that life was never going to be very stable or kind at times. It made me strong, capable and resilient.

My best friend Anja, who is involved in facilitating and teaching mental health to university students, once said to me that resiliency means you can look back on your past with compassion and toward your future with hope. While my past has been difficult, it is the substance which has built me into a person I am proud to be most days, and therefore the substance for which I am grateful for. People often see me as a strong woman, and although I have found that it does get easier to be resilient, it unfortunately does not get any less painful. That pain, however, is where resilience starts.

What Miller said was true: we do get heavy-hearted about the ways in which life knocks us down, and feeling that pain is okay. But how do you bounce back from it quickly? By understanding and accepting that life is always in a constant state of flux. You could be upset about the job you lost and find an even better one in a month. You could be have your heart broken by someone but connect deeply with a new person the next week. And on a day where everything goes wrong, the very next day you will probably wake up and forget what had happened the day before.

When something doesn’t pan out the way you so badly wanted it to, it’s important to keep in mind two things: the remarkable and wonderful ways in which life surprises you, and the inner strength with which you carry inside of you to look at challenges in the face, dig your feet in and embrace what it has to teach you. Basically, it’s the ability to say to yourself: “I am strong. And this is temporary.” That, to me, is resilience.

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