There’s More To Life Than Finding ‘The One’

Young, wild and free.

In the last few weeks, it has dawned on me that I have been believing a lie for most of my life.

We all grew up reading and watching fairytales, believing that only when Prince Charming arrives, the princess will finally be happy and get her life started. My girlfriends and I had always in one way or another talked for hours and dreamed about finding our soulmate; what he was going to be like, what he was going to look like, what our future together would entail. Often, the most excited we would get is when we had a new love interest. And if nights were spent talking about boys in detail over dinner when we were giddy, can you imagine what it was like when they broke our hearts?

I don’t know what brought it on, but the idea of a woman waiting around for a man for her life to begin or for her happiness to increase has become highly frustrating for me. I wonder, why should the quest for a ‘soulmate’ and getting married be the incline and peak of a woman’s life? Is it really a conquest worth dedicating a lifetime to? To me, there is much more to a woman’s life than the pursuit of a husband. There are many wonderful things to be known for that doesn’t have to just be the wife of so-and-so. There is much to do, see and achieve in the rich soil of the single life, and so many seeds to be planted than just the one that so many woman grasp for.

When it comes to love, I feel much more relaxed and realistic. I no longer feel the need to wait around for a man to reply to my messages immediately or demand ‘Prince Charming’ behaviour or crave that obsessive, can’t-stop-talking-to-each-other kind of love. This works for me because it is not important to me anymore, not as much as it used to be. There are a lot of relationships like the former, and any man can act chivalrously if he wants to. What I seek is deeper, more authentic and robust. I seek qualities within the other person that make them a true rarity. I seek a meaningful connection, completely exclusive of co-dependency, where there is mutual respect, admiration and honesty. I seek a relationship in which our love for each other exceeds our need for each other. I seek a future where two people are working together as one, not where two people become one.

I say seek, but this is not my greatest pursuit or biggest dream. It is certainly a blessing in life and one I will be grateful to have should I find it, however, I believe the horizon of life is far too wide and exciting to run down one straight path. I’m crisscrossing all over the damn place like a giddy child, seeking new adventures, pursuing new dreams and making glorious mistakes along the way. My point is, life is just far too exhilarating and bountiful to make it all about finding and marrying one person.

What do you think?

There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.
Emery Allen

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